Anime North and how I can embarass myself without even leavingt the house.

Dated May 30 to family and friends
Hi all;

I hope everyone is doing well?  Now that Anime North Season is over I might have time to breathe.  Still have three orders to go but not bad.  There are construction guys outside my back window.  They are tearing down our back steps and replacing them finally.  It's hard not to be polite and I don't know whether to smile or pull the blind as they are working right in front of the picture window looking into my living room.  Being me I just give them a good morning wave and go about my day, making sure I'm covered.

It turns out I don't have to leave my house to embarrass the crap out of myself.  Last week I was making a turtle shell backpack for Catie's costume.  She had taken my IKEA tray and used papermache  on it to create the shell.  But she didn't let it dry properly and for three days she and I had blinding migraines.  We discovered that the mache had molded on the inside.  So Gross!  You should have seen the "yuck" dance she did when she stuck her hand in it to turn it over--beats my "earwiggy" dance any day. 
So I decided to redo the whole thing and I made a quilted cover. My only pain was the tube of white that went around the edge.  I basically made a 36" tube and had to stuff it.  I couldn't find a long enough handle to push the stuffing up with so I decided to use the broom. 
The easiest way is to brace it against the floor, hold it with my feet and just keep pushing it up and down to get the stuffing to the end.  I didn't realise how "improper" it looked until I heard a crash outside and found out the guy fixing the window had laughed himself off the ladder. 

On Thursday night I was making armoured gloves, Catie was running around in her "Squirtle" costume with a blue wig, turtle shell and tail, Keagan, her boyfriend was wearing his pink gi, a street fighter costume and their friend Curtis was dressed as a D & D wizard.  Then the pizza guy came.  None of us thought it odd for them to answer the door.  I love these moments of my life.

My health seems to be getting stronger.  I organised a Community Spring Cleaning and BBQ for our neighbourhood.  We picked up garbage and leaves etc...  It was funny because I went out of my way to make sure I got halal meat for the Muslims in the neighbourhood and none showed up.  Really good burgers though.  It was great to see all the kids out and making an effort.  I was really impressed with them.  I was supposed to just organize the teams and food but as the one of the co ordinators I had to try to help by sweeping and picking up the glass.   That's why I'm so sore today.  My big old Mountain Man did twice the work picking up branches and old furniture and heavy stuff but won't admit he's worn out.  Thank goodness he's on holidays.  We also got our approval for a grant for the squirrel proof garbage cans I wanted.  Poor Mr. Squirrel's children will have to count on the kindness of strangers from now on.

We have all of our plants in.  Lavender, tomato, basil, oregano, moon flowers, parsley and chives.  Once they finish the back steps Hubby says he will make me a small garden but I worry that the kids will take any fruit, flowers or vegys grown.  I am thinking I might put in some chocolate mint if it's not too late.  The problem is that it has to be isolated or it will take over all your garden but it makes an amazing sauce.

We seem to have started a trend in our neighbourhood since we put up the greenhouse on the balcony five neighbours on each side have made little gardens of their own.  It's nice but I wish they'd stop asking me questions about their plants.  I get all my answers from Gene Lake (He's a friend from Convergys who used to farm and is brilliant for gardening questions.) or the internet. 

Catie won tickets to the premiere of Pirates of the Carrabien movie and couldn't go but Sarah had been desperate to go and Breyan couldn't find tickets.  They sold out in fifteen minutes.  Since Catie had to work she let Sarah have the tickets.  The next issue was babysitting. Hubby and I know how hard it is to get out together when you have small children.  They couldn't find a sitter so my guy and I volunteered.  It was physically hard but rewarding.  Except I forgot how much babies puke on everything, Aurora decided to inform me, "she can do whatever she wants."  I proved her wrong.  Ivy is adorable but very clumsy.    I've decided I really don't want more babies, I'll let my kids have them. 

But I do miss telling bedtime stories, having Rory inform me, "Nona, I have new make-up.  I'm going to give you a do-over."  She's so my granddaughter.  Unfortunately, or not, she couldn't find it.  She says she will do it next time.   She very proudly showed me how she cleaned the bathroom for me.  Am I that bad at complaining about people's bathroom?

There is a funny picture on Breyan's Facebook that has him and Rory sitting back on the couch with their arms behind their heads watching TV.  I turned around at one point and there was Oompah and Rory doing the same thing.  Wish I had my camera. 

We had a funny moment with Aurora.  We were talking about family history and I guess Breyan had explained her Great- Grampa Lorente does genealogy for the Home Children.  She told me, "My Great Big Grandpa finds little boys and girls that got lost when the government put them in ships and pushed off."  I roared.

Well this is all for now.  It's been a very hard week so I think I will have a nap today.

Missing you all.
Kimberley

Dodging the Breast Cancer Bullet

I have just received the news that the lump in my breast is a group of cysts.  I really don't know why I am not jumping around the house doing the Snoopy Dance.  While I was in limbo, I was really convinced my turn had finally come.  I mean, Mum, Katrina, family history, the fact I smoke like a chimney and wear underwire bras even when I don't have any "under." I should have punched the BC ticket a long time ago.

So why aren't I dancing?  Is it just because I'm grieving for Uncle Norm?  Is it the anti-depressants they have me on to fight the fibromyalgia?  I do feel relieved and grateful.  I'm happy my kids and the Mountain Man will not have to take the cancer journey with me again.  That was cervical but a few years ago I had another lump and I didn't tell my husband until after the biopsy because he gets so stressed and won't do anything about it.

When I first found this lump, 34 days ago, I was almost terrified to bring it to my doctor.  I felt frozen.  Then I sat in denial for awhile, which didn't last long since my inner Gramma told me I was being stupid.  When I finally did go to the doctor I took Mountain Man with me because he said he needed to be involved.  He took it like the man he is.  He stopped talking about it but joked, "Guess that's the only girl on girl action I'll ever see." when my female doctor examined it for herself.

After that I told him I didn't need him to take me to the mammogram because I saw he really couldn't take it and I couldn't take seeing him try to be supportive while falling apart inside.  

My friend Sarah offered to take me since I haven't been able to drive for months with my back and fibromyalgia acting up.  We both found the paperwork highly amusing.  At one point it says, "I agree that the results of this treatment can be reported to [various medical agencies and research foundations] and The Nuclear Safety Commission!!! " Why a Nuclear Safety commission would be interested in pictures of my boobs boggles the mind.

So with my customary humour I decided that it must mean I was going to have radioactive boobs and that would make me a superhero!  Therefore I needed a superhero name.  I liked my granddaughters idea the best, Supernova Nona!  Of course my redneck honey came up with 'Radioactive Boob Woman.'  Subtle is definitely not his style.

The mammogram was it's  usual annoying time but I noticed they have a screen on the machine that shows how many pounds per inch is on your boob.  Mine was 20-odd pounds.  I don't get it.  It's not like the technician will see the screen so why on earth would they put that there just so the patient can see it?  I really did not need to know how many psi was pushing down on my breast.  I could feel it.  The guy, (it has to be a guy, no woman would do that,) who designed the machine is just sadistic.

And really? with all the money put into Breast Cancer Research, why can't someone come up with a screening test that doesn't hurt?  I mean guys get a blood test for prostate cancer.  It's a man's world Baby~

I saw the mass on the ultrasound screen.  It was black.  I've never seen a lump be black so it further convinced me it was my time.  They should not let patients see the screen if they aren't going to explain the results.  Especially if it Thursday and their doctor is not in until Monday.

I noted the irony that I spent the earlier part of the year sewing gowns for the Arnprior Mammogram screening clinic for Aunt Elta and I was freezing in paper gown here in Ottawa.  I talked to the technician and found that they have the same problem finding super-large gowns for patients who are hefty.  They end up wrapping them in paper sheets so I think, in my thankfulness, that as soon as Anime North Costume season is over I'm going to make the Ottawa clinic some and donate them.  It's bad enough going through all this without having to deal with no gown fitting you as well.  "Yeah!  More Pink," she said sarcastically.

Oddly, being sure it was cancer was oddly freeing.  I mean, I really stopped worrying about the future.  I was totally living in the now.  I laughed harder.  I made sure my children and my husband know how much I love them.  I took the time to tell people stuff I wanted to be sure they knew just in case.  Even if it was just that I love them.

Sarah took me to the Women's Show to distract me.  She is such a good friend.  I had a great time.  I went up to the Canadian Forces table and said, "Thank you for being our military, we appreciate you."

I went up to the Breast Cancer Awareness table and said, "Thank you for the time and energy you put into volunteering and fundraising."

I made Sarah, not a girly girl, try some foundation that made her look like a Twilight Vampire and sparkled in the sun.  

I loaded up on prescription allergy meds and sure enough I was trapped in a crowd with a woman who feels it necessary to bathe in cheap perfume.  I really wanted a portable fire extinguisher to spray on her or to threaten to follow her home and fart in her living room.  I settled for getting some more Benedryl into me.  However as Sarah and I got into the elevator to go to the drugstore for some migraine meds, I freaked the security guard who happened to be in there with us out.  I was babbling mad that I could still taste the perfume even after drinking liquid Benadryl and she thought I was panicking.  Sarah just smiled and I told the poor guard, "No, I'm just babbling, this is my normal."  Sarah just nodded and smiled.

I am not even going to talk about needle biopsy.  There really is only one word to say, "OWWWWW"

So here I am 34 days later and I've just updated friends and family and you think I'd be dancing.

Maybe I'm just bummed I won't be "Supernova Nona."  Mind you, I would have looked horrible in spandex.

ANTM let me down

Okay so fashion is important to me but I can't call myself a fashionista.  One of the few reality shows I will watch is America's Next Top Model.  I am so upset that they chose Alexandria to represent Breast Cancer.  The fact that she is manipulative, a control freak and downright nasty just further made it unacceptable that she is associated with one of my favourite causes.

I a firm supporter of Fashion Cares and feel they do so much good work.   This girl though doesn't have the empathy or compassion that a representative of any Breast Cancer Aware Group should have.  Choosing her underlined the wrong message, that it's all about the looks.  Fashion is supposed to make us feel good about ourselves.

I actually was so upset by this decision that I can tell you that I will not recommend a Ford Focus to anyone.  With an issue as important to this, the criteria should have been based on personality, knowledge and pictures but these issues were left by the side of the road.  I wouldn't give a toss if it was for representing handbags, dresses or jewelry but Breast Cancer Awareness is too important to be represented by this girl.

Do the judges not view the footage of the photo shoot?  While I think she was a bit over emotional I have to say that I was really pleased to see Brittani speak up even if it did give her a panic attack. 

My only comfort is the bitch usually never wins on this show.  They keep her around to make good tv, conflict is always good for ratings.

Homeopathic Medicine.

(letter to friend, 2007)

I keep forgetting that not everyone grew up in my family and takes such an interest in homeopathic medicine.  I'm not a hippy freak, eschewing modern medicine, I am more than happy to take an antibiotic.
It occurred to me the other day though that some people  forget that homeopathic medicine is Medicine.  You should never use a tea in replacement of doctors orders but there are a lot of basic kitchen cupboard items that can help with minor illnesses.

I always keep some basic staples in my cupboard.

Chamomile is known for helping you sleep and calming nerves.

Rose hip and Hibiscus is best for energy.

Ginger and Mint tea are great for calming down upset stomachs.

Coffee will boost any pain killer with codeine and can help with a migraine.  (You should follow it with a glass of water as it can also be the cause of a migraine.)

Chocolate is a natural anti-depressant.

Baking soda is a tooth whitener, acidic stomach remedy, can help sooth rashes when used in a bath.  (Use sparingly as a tooth whitener as it can erode the enamel.)

Lavender in sachets or pot pourri can promote relaxation.

Chewing parsley will clean your breath.

Salt and baking soda will remove stains from coffee cups and counters.

Someone mentioned the other day they use salt water when their throat is sore but this is not actually a good idea.  Salt can dehydrate the tissue in your throat.  Baking soda and water or  a teaspoon of honey works better.

Small doses of alcohol can help fight off a cold, calm nerves but it will not help you sleep as some people think.  It can actually disturb your sleep.

Coffee and caffeinated tea are natural diuretics.

I can't think of more at this point but will add later.  Going to get my coffee so I can wake up.

Living in My Magic World

I think if there is one thing that the Mountain Man would change about me, (besides the temper but really, I think he enjoys that.) it would be my magic world. 

Sometimes when the world stops making sense and people stop saying the lines the way I want them written; I retreat into my magic world.  It's in my head and to go there, I go lie down and build it up.  It's not a place, It's my world the way I want to see it.  It is my safety zone.  It's my place to hide when the light of day burns too hard on reality.

I've always had it as long back as I can remember. 

It was there to protect me growing up and comfort me when I got older.  It was there when I lost Deanna and if I really, really faced the reality of that I was sure that I was going to break into a million pieces and never get back together. 

Some people call it denial, some people call it coping mechanisms, some even say it's meditation.  All I know is it's safe.

In this world;

1.  A teddy bear can be my best friend. 

2.  People will love you back just because you love them so much.

3.  My children are vibrant, charismatic amazingly gifted individuals who respect and adore their mother.

4.  I am thin.

5.  You can win if you just try hard enough.

6.  Nobody says goodbye or dies.  They just go away for a little while.
7.  Everyone plays fair.

8.  People actually get what they deserve.

9.  There are no earwigs.

10  Catie will get married in a dress I designed and made for her when she's 30 and she will adopt children.  (So I don't have to deal with the Mountain Man trying to convince himself Catie has immaculate conceptions.)

11. Cancer, Diabetes, Pain and Addiction do not exist.

12  My children know that I am the fount of all wisdom of parenting and let me raise their children by proxy.

13  Everyone Dresses Well.  (It's MY world after all.)

14  My Gramma will live forever.

15  Dishes, laundry and dusting do themselves.

16  I live just down the street from my family and can visit them anytime I want.

17  Dogs don't shed.

18  Teenagers have a legal limit on cologne and perfume.

Can you see where this would be a great world to live in?

PS. And Spiders do not exist in this world.

Our Canadian Military-Are you an Idiot?

I have just had another complaint about my, "We Support Our Troops!" sign on my balcony.  Some snot nosed punk teen has told me that, "Armies Propogate War."

As my son is going to the Canadian Military this week to apply for MP I have mixed reactions.

My first reaction when he told me he was thinking of joining the military is the same one I had when I drove Yvonne to the Airport and she left for Bosnia?  Afghanastan? 

It's the Mother's All Out Panic.  I want to drug him and hide him in the basement.  No, I will not let my son go to War.  I wanted to lock Yvonne in the basement.  People die in war.  Soldier try. 

I can still remember standing in the airport lobby while the troops said their goodbye's that day and lined up to go.  I wanted to go along every person in line and shake their hand or hug them.  I wanted them all to come back.  I wanted them all not to go.  I wanted to ask them if they were idiots for signing up to go to a place where people are actively trying to kill you?

I wouldn't have stopped them if I could.

The image I can't get out of my mind is of a young man, (a boy really) who was holding his crying girlfriend in his arms.  He wasn't crying.  She was.  She clung to him like she was trying to crawl into his skin.  He had a look of peace on his face and he was smelling her hair.  That's what killed me. 

He looked like he was making sure he would never forget the feel of her in his arms, the touch of her skin and the smell of her hair.  I realized with a cold shiver down my back that he was making sure he would have something to hold onto when the world went crazy.

I knew that some time in the near future this boy would be under fire, crouched in the dirt, fighting for his life and if he never made it home, his last thought would have been the smell of her hair.  It broke my heart.

I knew at that moment I had to let Yvonne go.  I had to write her lots of letters while she was over there.  I had to support her in any way I could.  This boy is willing to give his life.  His life!!!!  He knew he was getting on a plane and there was a good chance he wasn't going to come home.

He might never mow the lawn on Sunday.  He might never read his kids a story goodnight.  He might never have the life that I live everyday.  This boy was willing to give up the taste of chocolate, his mother's hug, his father's smile. 

This boy was willing to give it all for the smell of her hair.

He knew what we all should know. 

A sense of duty. 

Doesn't sound like much does it.  Duty?  It's a little word but it encompasses so much.

Our Military does this everyday.  Thousands of men and women get on planes, boats, trucks and they go where people are going to kill them so that we have these things.  Even if it means they have to give them up for us.

What do we give them back?

So I really believe the bumper sticker I quoted to the snot nosed kid, "If you are not behind our Canadian Military...Get in front."

American and Canadian army