What I want to say to my kids; what I mean; what I said

Sometimes being a parent is extremely tricky.  There come these moments when you want to say something but you know if you do, you will inspire a hissy fit, you will be arguing for three hours or you're kids will hate you.  So you take the screaming voices in your head and you transform them into words that tiptoe their way across the emotional landmines and you hope they get the message.

Doesn't this make sense to you?  It will if you are a Mum or Dad and especially if you have a teenager anywhere in the house. 

Example;

Breyan, at 15 has been seeing a girl who he has no respect for, doesn't want to go out with anymore but she's threatening suicide if he breaks up with her.  He thinks he cannot live with that so he continues to see her.  He is unhappy, spiralling into depression and making everyone else around him miserable.

What I want to say;  Are you frigging nuts?  Can't you see this girl is manipulating you?  Don't be a wimp.  She's not going to do it, she's just using you.  Man up and tell her to get some help and stay away from her.  Tell her parents to get her some help or I will take a cheese grater and a rope over to her house and sort her out for you.

What I mean is;  why does this 15 year old girl have the ability to make my entire family pay for her selfishness.  Why can't I make you see that she is manipulating you.  Why won't you let me sort this out for you by calling her parents and telling them they have a nutjob for a daughter?

What I say is; that sounds a little manipulative don't you think?  I mean, you know the girl better than I do but if she's really serious about commiting suicide shouldn't you warn her parents so they can get her some help?  It's not tattling when you can save a life.  I know it's hard but if you can't go the parents, you might want to go to your school guidance counselor and tell them how depressed you are feeling over this.

Luckily I have a younger daughter who just spoke up at the dinner table and said, "Wow, she's got you by the shorthairs.  Do you enjoy being jacked around like that?"

He broke up with her two days later.

Siblings are a great joy to parents.

If you are really lucky you will get information from one sibling about the other. 

I know why some kids can't talk to their parents about certain things.  The idea of Caitlin talking to the mountain man about sex locks me between horror and insane laughter.  So you pray they have good solid friends or family they can talk to and you let them know the door is open.  That is good parenting.

However it's very hard as a parent to be that restrained.  When it comes to being a Mum or Dad you have to learn to restrain yourself or you will be consigned to a life of " the sullen silent treatment," or sighs in the passive aggressive or thrown shoes and slammed doors with your more emotional type teenager. 

Another hard one is when a boy breaks up with your daughter.  What do you say?  If you say, "It's better this way," or "I'm glad to hear that.  I didn't like him anyway."  It is guarenteed that they will be back together within the hour.

How I handle it?

I buy lots of ice cream and comfort food, let her have a five-friend sleepover and mumble under my breathe, "Where did I put the cheese grater again?"