I was not that young when I had my first child. I was twenty-two. That may seem young today but I grew up in a generation where our mothers were married right after high school and a few right out of college. I grew up in the 1960's in Canada.
The world really was a different place. In my generation, my family had a horrible secret! It wasn't a dirty secret but there was always the whispering behind the hands from the mothers at the school, the teachers would be extra nice to me and my sister and I could probably have used our family situation as a defence in court.
You see, I came from a "broken home." That's what they called it in those days. My parents were divorced. They divorced when I was two years old.
(There really is a sordid story behind all this but the Mothers, teachers and friends didn't know it because wife abuse was NEVER spoken of!)
It was just so shocking to the average mother of those times that there was a child in their child's class that had divorced parents!!!!
And it really affected me. The teacher would always find a "special project just for me" during Mother's Day activities if we were between stepmothers or when family tree projects came around I was given special permission to either chose another project or my paper was handed back upside down. I was quietly excused the obligatory Mother Day Assembly, etc.....
Yes when I was growing up, not only was there the Christmas pageant, there was the Mother's Day one where we wrote poems and skits about how much we appreciated our mothers, there was the Father's Day Pancake Day. Now my grandgirlz attend the "Holiday Assembly" and there are great savings for the schools in the white paste column of their budget since they cut down the production of Mother/Father Day's cards in today's classrooms.
Some mothers would not let me play with their kids and there were few and far between mothers who would let their kids come play at my house.
What made it worse is that my FATHER had custody of us. There were always two camps. The people who sympathized with my sister and I or the ones that were convinced we were in for a life of degradation and crime~with the latter being the most popular opinion. Whatever side you were on, my sister and I were the freaks in our class.
Well the world grew up and changed. Divorce became the popular sport and by the time I got out of high school, it wasn't usual but it wasn't a scandal anymore. I didn't mention it unless someone asked and I really didn't pay that much attention to the fact that the Nuclear Family was becoming a thing of the past. Until.....
One day my seven year old daughter came home crying her eyes out. I poked and pried and finally found out what it was that she was upset about.
"Why are you and Daddy still married???" she wailed. "It's just not fair! I am just such a freak!"
Well after I got over my shock and blew her nose I got the real story.
It was just after Christmas and the kids in the class were doing the "How I spent my holidays" report.
"Everybody in my class has two Christmas Days, two rooms, two bikes and two houses. I only have one," she snivelled. "My teacher told me it's because the other kids parents are divorced and their Mummy and Daddy live in seperate houses. Some of them have two mommies and two daddies and they get lots and lots of presents." she sniffed.
" [Teacher] said I was lucky 'cause I only have one Mummy and one Daddy." she started crying again. "All the kids were teasing me that they had two bikes and stuff."
She looked up with those teary big, blue eyes and asked again, "Why are you and Daddy still married?"
I almost apologized to my daughter for being a normal nuclear family.
I almost felt bad for the fact that she was so different from the rest of the kids in her class.
Then I started roaring laughing and I thought about it and said, "You poor thing. Your mummy and your daddy love each other and we will never be divorced. You are just going to have to live with that. I'm sorry if it means that you aren't going to get more stuff. If any of the other kids tease you about this again, you just tell them that it doesn't matter what they say, you only need one mummy and daddy."
Curious I went to talk to the teacher the next day and I asked her, "Is there really that many children of divorced parents in your class?"
She told me about 50% of the class were from divorced or single parent homes.
I was remembering this and I was remembering that we used to have this saying, "Of course it's quiet, it's the Father's weekend." This was when the neighbourhood would get really quiet and you had to call the other parents if you wanted to plan something for the weekend like a birthday party.
I wondered what it was like now, so I went and asked my daughter in law how many kids in my granddaughters class are from divorced or single parent homes.
"I don't know the exact number Mum but about 75% I'd guess. "
75 percent??! Even accounting for the fact that my granddaughters school is in the middle of the low-income housing district and we live in the city, I didn't think that number could be correct. But it is!!!
This was news to me.
So if I was in school today, I would be the norm?
I always knew I was ahead of my time!
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