Verbal Bullying, in my mind is the most vicious bullying a child can go through. It leaves the deepest scars, the pain lasts longer and does more destruction than any other abuse I've experienced. I once had an entire town call me, "witch" when it wasn't trendy. Kids crossed the street or threw stones, old ladies made signs against evil when I walked by. One girl even told her friends I put a "spell" on her when I touched her shoulder and she felt faint.
(I'm such a nerd. I was showing a friend the "Vulcan Mind Meld.")
Name calling, labelling and outright cat-calling to me is one of the most evil things one person can do to another. I would rather someone punch me than curse at me. It's not much use telling your kids to, "just ignore it and it will stop," because often it doesn't or it feels so intense that a child cannot imagine a future without it.
Ask any guy and he will tell you, 12 year old girls are probably one of the most vicious animals on the planet. I still have nightmares of a group of farm girls that would surround me in the bathroom. They never laid a finger on me but the damage they've done would have carried through my whole life if I let it. I've seen these 12 year girls old rip a boy to emotional shreds in seconds. Pirahna could take lessons from them.
I got my best babysitter thanks to bullying. The Mafia Mothers were outside in the park in their morning coffee klatch. A young girl in our neighbourhood Jenny walked by wearing a teeny tiny top and skirt. Blonde, beautiful and 6' in heels she was a knockout. (I sometimes think the expression, "Va-Va-Voom" was created for her.)
My stomach turned when the Mommy Mafiosa's started with the whispering and sneers. Jenny has severe eczema. She needs to tan. I stood up and as I walked away I snapped back at them, "If I had a body like that, I would want to show it off. Heck, I'd be walking around naked!" Then I went to Jenny and asked if she babysat. To this day she is the best sitter I've ever had and is still so close to my kids, my son has asked her to be a Godparent at his daughters baptism!
(Mom's --protect your babysitter list like it's a National Secret! Women think nothing of pinching the good ones until you end up Friday night and everyone on the list is sitting for your friends.)
When a friend asked for help for her young daughter who was being teased and bullied for being built like an Italian Grandmother, I gave her a copy of my "Verbal Protection Spell." Whether you think of it as a spell or as a mental exercise, I have found it to be a great tool for healing the damage bullying can do.
My kids friends usually found it easier to think of it as a "spell" because they know I'm a neo-pagan and they all seem to be fascinated with the occult at some point in their lives.
For this spell you need a hematite stone and a smoky quartz. Both can easily be found in the jewelry section of most dollar stores.
A hematite bear. The stone is said to contain properties that deflect flying objects. (I once bought my friend, a Canadian Soldier a bracelet of it when she was posted to Bosnia and I make my hubby wear one to work. I'm sure it's the bullet proof vest that is protecting them but who knows?)
Smoky Quartz is said to have healing properties and helps to create inner peace.
VERBAL PROTECTION SPELL
The first thing you or your child needs to understand is that words can be energy. This is how they hurt and heal. Like the way you can tell two people have been arguing when you walk in a room even when they are both smiling? Humans radiate emotional energy. That's how you know someone is in a room even when you can't see or hear them. Imagine nasty words as, 'red arrow vibes.'
When people call you names, they are sending bad energy at you. This is why when someone says something mean or sends bad feelings your way, it feels like you've been punched in the gut.
You need to protect yourself from that bad energy instead of letting it get to you and hurt your spirit.
Using the Quartz to Heal the Hurt and Charge the Hematite.
Find somewhere quiet and you feel safe where you will not be disturbed. Place the smoky quartz in your right hand and the hematite in your left. Sit cross-legged, with your back straight and your palms face up on your knees. (Note: you can have someone help you with this if you completely trust them. Don't let them touch the stones. Let them place their hands over yours as you need to "attune" the stones to yourself.)
Close your eyes and begin to take deep breaths. Count to eight breathing in through your nose and hold to the count of three, then eight out of your mouth. Try to get the breath so deep into your body you can feel your diaphragm stretch.
Once you feel your muscles begin to relax, picture a lit white candle in your mind. Do you see the flame? Let it glow. Feed it all your anger, frustration and pain. I imagine the hurt written down on a piece of paper and I feed it into the flame. This is a meditative state; the feeling of inner peace. Your body is relaxed and your mind is settled.
When you are empty of those negative emotions and feel emotionally balanced, let the flame image slowly fade away and concentrate on the quartz in your right hand. Don't open your eyes to look at it, just feel it in your palm. Can you feel the heat? Imagine the quartz sending a cloud of green healing smoke or heat into your arm and up into your chest. It will transform any red pain energy you are still carrying into healing energy. Visualize the green energy smothering the red pain and transforming the bad energy into green, soothing energy. Let it build until it seems as if you are glowing like a radioactive Mr. Burns.
Next, gather some of that green energy and focus on it changing colour. It's turning from green to blue. Gather the blue energy and gently let it flow into the hematite in your left hand. Picture the hematite as glowing with light blue energy.
You now have a charged hematite.
Focus on your breathing again and slowly awaken yourself from your meditative state. Keep the quartz some place where it can get the sun; like a windowsill. It will be charged by the sun's energy and transform it into the healing green energy you can use at another time.
Keep the hematite close to you, preferably in a ring or necklace.
Using the Hematite as a Shield
This part takes practice so take the time to go back into a meditative state and practice building a shield when you can.
Picture the hematite as glowing with the blue energy you've infused it with. Now imagine pulling the energy out of the stone and surrounding yourself with it. Make a shield of blue energy, like a bubble that extends from over your head, down and around you into the ground. Once you've practiced this you will be able to put the shield up in a flash.
When someone sends bad words or energy at you, it will bounce off the blue shield and dissapate into the ether. Their words will sound muffled, like Charlie Brown's teacher, "Mwa, Mwa, Mwa."
Some people like to have a key word or phrase to activate or deactivate the stone. I like, "Whatever." to activate and "Wow, aren't you just a ball of sunshine?" to deactivate.
Once you use the shield remember to take it down or it will drain your personal energy. Your own negative emotions can't pass it either so you will be locked in with negative energy bouncing back and forth. This can damage you as well. Also, as long as the shield is up, good energy that people want you to have is also blocked. So don't keep shielded. This is important,
No matter how well this spell works for you or doesn't, never blow off bullying. Tell your parents, your teachers or your guidance counselor before it becomes a major issue. If you are afraid of being a tattle tale, use the KidsHelpPhone site on the side of the blog. It's got great ideas to help you deal with bullies.
Remember, even if you can deal with it, the bully may just use words with you but it's a short hop from calling someone names to physical bullying and you may save someone's life or sanity by standing up to the bully. If you see someone being bullied. Say Something! If you can't say anything just stand beside the victim and be silent support. Every little bit counts.
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Thank you x
Thank you x
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